Looking deep within

Looking out, you see the oranges and yellows of the sky at the beach at the peak of sunset. The waves are crashing on the shore, even though it’s not storming or even gloomy. That feels odd but yet so familiar. Juxtaposing realities, pitted against each other — the soft, welcoming hues of the sky against the harsh and brutal waves crashing down. It feels uncanny, what are the waves crashing against? There aren’t any rocks for them to crash down upon or a bluff for them to crash against. This shouldn’t make any sense but, altogether, it somehow does.

That’s because this isn’t a beach that you can visit, at least not physically. It’s what you see when you close your eyes. It’s the warm, comfortable life you have carefully built with your best boy pup and your loving (and handsome as hell) partner. But it’s also the confusion and grief that accompanies that life. That shadow that has come to feel like an old friend whom you have lost touch with but still occasionally pops up in your Facebook feed. Exacerbated recently by the death of your mom and the complex feelings that accompany the complicated relationship you had with a troubled, selfish woman who, deep down, you know did actually love you.

It seems that you’re not looking out at all but looking deep within. Be careful to not let those harsh waves overtake that beautiful sky.